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07 November 2009 @ 09:01 am

I know that a lot of you were missing in action/recovery, etc...and have return, so welcome back friends!

It has been frustrating to hear that the proanorexia community is CLOSED to new people, which means we are too.
SO I decided we should MOVE our little group away from proana and into our own PRIVATE group...what do you all think? We will still be linked under the same "interest" or category (ED & recovery...not pro ana...we are all above that title, I think)

I have put in inquiries to the Administrator of proana to see how to make this happen.
I will inform you all of its progress and if we do plan a "move" I will keep you posted on that too.

Thanks to everyone who responded to my questions on this problem
Be well!
love little self

06 November 2009 @ 05:30 pm
Sounds like a lot of us are just coming back to lj. Hope everyone is well as I am back too. gained 10lbs not feeling happy right now. I'm fasting today hope to drop about 20lbs by the end of the year. How is everyone else doing? I miss the support!!

07 November 2009 @ 12:31 am
 i wish i could stop.... i just purged...
Current Mood: sadsad
05 November 2009 @ 07:41 pm

After a bad day today tomorrow WILL be good. anyhow tomorrow is NO FOOD FRIDAY.

my friday fast started at 2pm today and will end on Saturday evening.

hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoys bon-fire night!
Current Mood: crappycrappy
04 November 2009 @ 12:20 pm
I sent a message to the Administrator of our site to fix the problem of new members unable to join.
Anyone have a story or example of this to help explain and clear up exactly what the damage is would be GREAT!

Thanks lovies!

PS possible triggerCollapse )

03 November 2009 @ 06:56 am
 the link below might just explain why we have no new members...

I have sent a message to LJ asking if there is anyway we can change the maintainers of this community, i will keep you all informed of  the response.
13 October 2009 @ 09:00 pm
Last week i had the worst ever cold and as it was my first week at my new Job i couldn't take any sick leave. then yesterday i managed so scald my face on a cup of green tea, I had to sit with ice on the burn for 3hrs, then this morning i had to be  up at 5am for work and in my sleepy state i washed my face and rubbed it dry with a towel and managed to take all the skin off the burn - ouch! its so sore! i just keep putting antiseptic cream on the wound!

on a plus, i haven't gained any weight, not lost either but thats ok!
Soooooooooooooooooo, I am so disgusted at myself.  Ate too much this weekend. And how could I do that after all last week eating below 400.  But I only lost 2 pounds.......Really???   Just 2 pounds?!  There is something so wrong with my body that it takes forever and drastic meaures to lose weight these days.  Do I go into starvation mode as my nutritionist suggests...that I firmly failed to believe for the last 9 years?  Maybe I should have listened to her or mabye I will just quit eating for 20 days to see what happens.  I have done it before and I can do it again.  Maybe this is my only choice....besides food kind of creeps me out these days. All I see are cals, the number of cals, and the ounces.....weighing every little thing, cutting into tiny bites, the cals.  I am just a messed up girl :(

I have been self harming again but at least not carving fat into my wrist...just scratches and nothing that requires medical attention.  I feel I need to harm myself because I feel so gross.  I can't decide if I hate that I don't have very many friends because of this ED or do I hate that I actually have people wanting to be friends and hang out.  I like my isolation.  Is that weird??  I feel comfortable in MY world....no one else's.  That keeps me away from food which is a good thing.  I mean like why does everyone want to go out to eat or almost every activity revolves around food.  Is this what people have come to???   I hate it!!  So I will stay to myself.

Do I want to continue my meds.......NO!  But they actually seem to keep me from entering death's door so I think I will take them.  My depression does not leave me when I take meds but at least a few steps up from the bottom.  Sometimes I just relish in my depression as I have been depressed for sooooooo long.  Damn my childhood! 

Just disgusted and dirty.......if you read this....thx...I just need support....
((hugs girls))
Current Location: home
Current Mood: angryangry
Current Music: NFL football
27 September 2009 @ 07:47 pm

Well luvs...It seems I have been gone for awhile AGAIN, stuck in my stupid depression...barely being able to get up and go to work, etc.  Does anyone else struggle with depression and thoughts of just wanting to die??  It is like I just want to die but I don't have plans to kill myself or anything.  It is just a feeling and chronic thoughts.  Sometimes I luv having this eating disorder and sometimes I want it to go completely away.  I have come to live with it for so long it is a friend....stupid??  I did do better today...got up and went to my niece's bday party, the gym twice, and barely ate....so that makes me feel good.  I am not ready to go to work this week.  I am a social worker and I barely have the energy to help people anymore.  But I am working on that....I just think...if I am thinner...my life will be perfect.  The never ending search for perfection............
((big hugs to all my luvs))

Current Location: home
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
02 September 2009 @ 11:48 am

Hi everyone.  Sorry I haven't written a post in awhile.  I've been so busy beeing depressed and trying to figure out all that I suffer with considering my bi-polar! I've been reasearching my "disease" and realize I has some traits of personality disorder. Plus it dosent help that I'm divorcing! For the good though.  I have an awesome boyfriend now that understands my and wants to help me with anything he can.  He's even read up on bi-polar.  But the issue I still hide is my eating disorder.  I'm about 120 and 5'5".  I just don't eat I have been thinner resently.  Now it bathing suit season YUCK! Yes other's tell me I look good becasue I'm "so skinny"  but they don't see the fat I see.   I hate food I really do. So I've been smoking alot of "wakie tabacci"  But the mucnchies make me want to barf.  Last time I perged was a couple of days ago.  I don't drink or I'd have another excuse to barf.  I just know that there are other's out there that suffer from having bi-polar and possiblity traits of personalilty disorder.   I don't want to live with this for the rest of my life! It sucks, it sucks, it sucks.  Why can't I be normail like so many others.  I've also started working out.  telling others I'm toning up but I know I would love to run and run untill I sweat every ounce of fat off of me.  People think just because I'm pretty I should be happy with myself.  My self image sucks!  I have had so many tragic events lately that I want to binge and die!  Why can't we think like others and see are bodies as temples and take care of them.  My hair has been falling out in clumps.  I have very long hair so no one has really noticed.  I also began cutting.  About a month ago I was so angry at my soon to be ex that I ment to only cut the top of my writs and I sliced it open so bad I need 9 stiches.  I felt so ashamed and so dissappointed in myself and I felt like a looser.  I was able to lie to the nurse and say I fell on a glass table! How f***ing stupid was that nurse.  I needed help it was a cry for help and of coarse I went untreated.  I even took the stiches out myself because  I didn't want the doctor to see the scars  I already had from that behavior.  I'm venting and I'm so glad you are all here to listen.  Please help this lost child with any advise.  Oh yeah..eating disorders and cutting don't only effect the young, I am 35 years old and I have a beautiful body enough to be a model so I'm told. So why do  I do this. I fast, I purge, but most of all I just sto eating to punish myself.  I'm in a size 0 in juniors and I'm, 35!!!!!!!!!! I need some F***ing help.  Yeah my Shrink says it's just a passing phase.  Well were going on a year and I could of lost my life but the awful cut.  My blood was all over I freaked out and said  Iwould never do it again I swore! two weeks later I did it again.  with a rusty rasor and I stopped eating.  I am a mother of a 14 year old daughter and I don't want her to be anything like me. Please any advice any of you can give me I've tryed everything.........I guest I've just lost my way and can't find my way back. I'm afraid if I cut like that againg I will kill myself.....and my son and daughter will think I'm a failure because I can't handle life....I can't eat a burger...and I cant go without my "wakiee tabakiee".  What should I do.  I am sober from drinking for almost two years.......why is this beating me to death.  One day it will be death.!!!!!! Love JFG.

Current Mood: anxiousafraid.